There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
