So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
