We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
