Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
