just tell him i said nine months
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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