you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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