Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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