you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
