I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
