apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
