I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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