It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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