there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
