I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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