She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
