its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
