I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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