lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
