And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
