The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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