i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize