if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
