There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
