I'm really into asian looking animals
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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