you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
