NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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