Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
