no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
