when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
whose ass print is on the piano?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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