i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
