waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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