Don't you send me to vm
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
