but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
