Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
