It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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