Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
