Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
