We're like a lot better than the average bears
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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