I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
