Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
