Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
