She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
