i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I did not marry a roomba.
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