I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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