Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
