Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
