Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
