dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
