saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
