Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We are two peas in an std pod
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
