You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
