i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
