have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
