I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
two words...techno handjob
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
