Just cropdusted the office
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
