He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
