A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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