dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
