If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
