I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize