Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
