Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
