I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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