You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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