And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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