Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
