oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize