Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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