Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
